102b: Gir's Odyssey
by Lord Timothy
Summary: GIR becomes distracted and wanders off from a mission, causing mischief and destruction in the Big City. Finished Episode.
1. GIR's Odyssey: Part 1

Title: Gir's Odyssey  
  
By Lord Timothy, Future Shogun of All That Tastes Like Food  
  
Episode 102b  
  
A/N: Episode made in collaboration with Dither. Follows episode 102a Evil Sponges on Kampus.  
  
Opening Credits run  
  
A peaceful scene of a neighborhood park is displayed with average, morning music. A bird flutters peacefully along without a care in the world. Several seconds after coming into view, it is unsuspectingly knocked out of the air by a flying slab of meat. This is followed shortly after by Gir in doggy guise, dressed in a Deelishus Weenie© hat and apron, with a taco in hand. He appears to be dragging Zim by leash, rocketing crazily  
  
Gir: Crying out insanely I'M A TACOOO!!!  
  
Zim: GIRRR!!! BRING US DOWN NOW! I COMMAND YOU!  
  
Gir: Gir wolfs down the taco noisily, then examines the lack of tacos at hand Awww. no more tacos . . .  
  
Gir stops abruptly, sending Zim flying past him, reaching the full length of the leash, then falling to the forces of gravity, leaving him dangling below Gir  
  
Zim: GIR!!! DOWN! NOW!  
  
Gir: Awww . . .  
  
Zim: NOW!!!  
  
Gir: Okay. Floating back down to the ground, landing alongside a bird plastered with meat I don't have a LIVER!!! He begins bashing his head against the ground  
  
Zim: Brushing himself off Gir. we've been over this, no flying when you are in your ingenious doggy guise! We could be noticed! We don't want the Tallest discovering their most skilled and talented Invader being defeated! Gir? Gir?! PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MASTER!  
  
Gir: He starts eating a cupcake and singing I love my little cupcake, it is make of STUFF . . . AND PORK!!!  
  
Zim: I give up . . . Gir, go learn this filthy planet's weaknesses! I am going to go back to the base to devise an ingenious plan to conquer this filthy place of . . . umm . . . FILTHINESS!  
  
Gir: Hee hee . . .  
  
Zim: What?  
  
Gir: YOU'RE NOT A SQUIRREL!!! Suddenly afraid  
  
Zim: ENOUGH! Zim is leaving! He walks away, muttering to himself as he leaves I should check in with the Tallest . . . I'm sure they will be interested in my latest discoveries . . .  
  
Gir remains sitting alone for a while. Children slowly come over and look at him. Before long a swarm of children stand looking at him. Gir turns to them  
  
Gir: I . . . NEED . . . TO . . . MMM . . . DANCE!!! Gir busts out  
  
The children watch as Gir dances insanely. Soon they attempt to join in. As Gir's dancing continues, he sends each and every one of the children flying out of the area. When he realizes he no longer has an audience, he stops dancing  
  
Gir: Awww. Gir pulls out some Poop Corn© and walks off down the street. He comes to a crosswalk. Without even paying attention, he walks off into the empty street, passing by an old woman. The old woman looks disgruntled, looks both ways, and then steps into the street. Immediately a Poop Cola© Truck zooms straight at the old woman. The driver sees her, swerves, hits a nearby building, flips twice, and catches on fire. Dozens of cars pile up in that one area. They all explode. A single scorched can of Poop Cola© hits the old woman on the head, sending her flying. Gir runs back and grabs the can, opens it, and starts drinking it  
  
REST HERE  
  
BREATH DEEPLY IT GETS CRAZY AFTER THIS PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 50 ARE ADVISED TO STOP READING THIS  
  
  
  
Section 2: Gir In The Big City  
  
Gir wanders down the streets, in a sort of down-in-the-dumps collage. A car speeds by, splashing mud on him. He continues walking, he passes by a child in a stroller with a lollipop, after passing by, only the lollipop is left. He walks through a coffee stand, after coming out, the coffee stand bursts into flames. Gir is holding a croissant. He passes by many merchant stalls, one of which has a banana merchant, waving bananas frantically at Gir, who turns, and hugs the merchant, then walks away  
  
Gir: Tacos . . . AND SWEDISH MEATBALLS!!!  
  
Gir finally strides unknowingly onto the set of a film shooting called "The Dreaded Meat Beasts of Atlantis©." He walks up behind a man dressed up like a slab of meat  
  
Meat Man: Bwahahaha!!! I am . . . the dreaded . . . MEAT BEAST OF ATLANTIS©!!! FEAR ME!!!  
  
Gir: MEAT!!! I LOVE MEAT!!! YAY FOR MEAT!!! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
A director-looking guy rushes out, eyes set on Gir  
  
Director: That was great kid! What's your name?  
  
Gir looks around at random. He sees a billboard in the distance that reads, "Roger likes pork. You want to eat pork too. Be like Roger. Eat pork. The pork COMMANDS you." Instinctively, he says what he can get from the sign  
  
Gir: PORK!  
  
Director: That's great! I love a kid who knows his meat! You got the job! Go get make-up!  
  
Meat Man: Hey! What about me?  
  
Director: I've got somebody with some talent now! Get lost!  
  
Sad music plays. The Meat Man wanders off into a park, past a playground swarming with children. As he walks by, the music, sound, and movement completely stop behind him. The children scream meat in unison, and then leap on the Meat Man, tearing at his meat-like flesh savagely. View goes to Gir getting make-up put on  
  
Make-up Lady #1: Turn your head a little left dear; that ear needs Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© on it.  
  
Make-up Lady #2: No it doesn't! That takes away the meat-like appearance! The natural ears create the savage meat-worshipping essence that binds the character to the actor. Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© will damage the fragile bonds! To do such a thing would make you a Make-up heretic!  
  
They exchange looks of anger, dislike, frustration, extreme badness, etc  
  
Make-up Lady #1: Your words disgrace the art of make-up! Poop Ear Tinting Make-Up© can do nothing more than intensify the mental and physical securing between man and meat-beast of Atlantis! Without this advanced coloring, he would look like nothing more than a taunting symbol of a person, half-human, half-meat, struggling to keep from straying to one side of a thin line! The ears prove just how meaty this ferocious slab of protein is! It defines the attitude and personality of itself! A lack of coloration in the ear segments could very well start an entire war between the species of meat beasts of Atlantis and humans, if we do not represent their race correctly!  
  
Make-up Lady #2: Enough talk! It is obvious this cannot be settled with words! This calls for a Make-up Professional Duel! I challenge you, madam, to Make-up Mortal Combat! Pulling off a glove and slapping her heated colleague  
  
Make-up Lady #1: Taking the slap without flinching Challenge accepted you Make-up heretic! Long have I waited to settle this!  
  
The two ladies scratch a circle in the ground, hold several make-up items and tools, and step into the ring. A man walks into the ring from seemingly out of nowhere. He explains some bogus rules, the ladies bow, and he gives the word. The two ladies clash. Seeing as it is not easy to describe a fight scene such as this one, I will leave it to the imagination of the readers. Go wild guys! Anyway, by then Gir has left, covered in make-up of his own free will, now eating a watermelon  
  
Gir: Singing La la la la, WATERMELON! La la la la . . . 


	2. GIR's Odyssey: Part 2

Chapter 2  
  
By now, GIR has come to a small park in the middle of a vast, metropolitan city. He walks along the path wearing a little beanie with a propeller on top. As he walks, a bum on bench, seemingly sleeping, notices him  
  
Bum: You! Dog child! The end is near! You must run! THIS WORLD IS DOOMED! DOOMED! DOOOOMED!!!  
  
GIR: Shutting his eyes and smirking I LIKE doom! Doom doom doom, doom doom . . .  
  
Bum: Somehow making sense of what GIR says Are you saying the only way to overcome the apocalypse is to embrace it with a smile? Is your impractical comment suggesting that fighting the inevitable will only destroy us faster? Perhaps this is the truth! Oh knowledgeable dog-child, you have put my soul at ease! I must gather my fellow bums and show them your limitless greatness! Will you teach my people, oh Enlightening One?  
  
Bum starts bowing before GIR  
  
GIR: OO-KAY!!!  
  
Screen fades out. Fade in on center of park, where GIR stands, garbed in Irish clothing, before an audience of bewildered people. A gigantic sound system can be seen some ways back. The bums look questioningly, yet enthusiastically at GIR. Using a remote mechanism, he activates the stereo system. The sound of Riverdance booms out over the park. GIR performs a beautiful solo, soon followed by the entire crowd of bums and GIR riverdancing. Try to picture it. It may be a little hard at first. But it's certainly interesting, whichever way you look at it. Song ends. GIR is still dancing, but people seem to fade away, until night has fallen, and only GIR remains, dancing  
  
GIR: La la la la . . . TACQUITOS! La la la la . . . WALRUS! Looking around Hey! Where'd all thems people go? Realizing he's alone I'M ALONE! SO VERY ALONE! WHY? WHY?! Breaks down in tears. Suddenly pulling himself up I have a cupcake! Munches on a cupcake  
  
A bank robber bursts out of a bank with an uzi and bag of cash in hand. He bolts down the street, looking around wildly. The sound of sirens grows ever louder. Everybody moves out of the way in front of the robber. Suddenly, things turn slow-motion. The bank robber is running, sweat running out of his ski mask. He looks shifty-eyed. GIR is walking down at the end of the street, sucking on a juice box. He just walks and sucks. Back to the robber for several seconds. Back to GIR for several seconds. Back to Robber. Back to GIR. This continues into smaller increments of time, until it's a split second long. Then it shows the robber running straight into GIR, flipping over him, landing in the back of a Pickup Truck, and the Pickup swerving and hitting a fire hydrant and a dog occupying the hydrant. Then the robber is thrown from the vehicle upon impact, and hits a brick wall, crumpling into a broken heap. **GASP** GIR walks over and plucks his juice box from where it flew in all the confusion, and resumes his walking  
  
GIR: La la la la BUM! La la la la . . . umm . . . err . . . well . . . tacos . . . WAFFLES!!!  
  
GIR wanders vaguely through all the places he's been. The destruction is obvious. People leap back in terror at the sign of this evil dog-child. Except for the hobos. They all bow to him. GIR makes his way all the way back to the park where he and Zim parted. The meat-plastered bird is still there. GIR looks around, and starts walking in the direction of Zim's base, which can be seen in the distance. He runs back, eats the bird, then resumes walking back to base  
  
View changes to Zim and Dib in a power struggle with remote-control robots. Dib is standing right inside of the door, and seems to be winning  
  
Dib: Sneering in a sneery kind of sneer You're mine now Zim! Your mighty Irken technology is now match for my amazing knowledge of robotics! HYA!  
  
Dib's robot picks up Zim's and throws it across the room  
  
Zim: Curse you and your infernal head Dib! However, I will not give up that . . .  
  
Dib's robot grabs Zim by his head in threatening head-squishing hold  
  
Dib: Victory for Earth!  
  
Suddenly the door bursts open, smashing Dib into a wall, destroying the remote control and crippling Dib's battlebot. GIR leaps out of his guise  
  
GIR: HI EVERYBODY! I GOT WAFFLES!!! The panel on the top of his head opens and hundreds of waffles fly out  
  
Zim pulls himself out of the robot's head-squishing hold, and yells frantically  
  
Zim: COMPUTER! Remove intruder from premises! Now!  
  
Base: You got it!  
  
Mechanical arm moves door, picks up thoroughly smashed Dib, and throws him at the window. Window is closed, so Dib hits it and bounces off. Arm opens window and throws Dib out. He flies off into the sky. Arm grabs robot and throws it at the window. Robot twinkles off into the distance, taking a section of the wall with it, due to the robot's size. GIR walks over and sits down on a waffle-laden couch. He turns it on and starts watching the Scary Monkey Show. Zim joins him on the couch. They slowly start laughing. This escalates until great proportions. GIR's head explodes. Zim pulls out a juice box and starts sucking on it  
  
Ending Credits Roll  
  
THE END 


End file.
